Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
