I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
