So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you have to choose: penises or morals?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
