They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
