I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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