People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
