My liver just broke up with me...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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