Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
