i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
