no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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