you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
