You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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