the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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