Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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