dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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