I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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