you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
