Whod you bang
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
