my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
