I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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