I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
