I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
