I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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