your thong is hanging out like whoa
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize