so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
