whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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