I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
