allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
