Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
