It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
