all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
