She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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