What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
