I love black thongs
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
