Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
