HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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