lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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