well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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