You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
