someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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