Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Buhtt sex?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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