Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
