Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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