paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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