4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
