my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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