so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
