just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
