I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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