Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
