rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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