first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
