yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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