can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
