it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
