do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
