Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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