well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
