I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
