no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
