I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
