Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
