I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
