we made out on top of his cat.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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