I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
